Valentine’s Day

TedFlicks Rating:

$8.25 ticket on a scale of $0 to $12.50.

SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION MEETS SEINFELD

If “Valentine’s Day,” the latest from veteran helmer Garry Marshall has one thing going for it, it is this:  Pace. Marshall has been directing pics long enough to know how to keep it from dragging.  This effort moves with the speed of a “Seinfeld” episode.  It is roughly the love child of “Six Degrees of Separation” and the legendary sitcom.  There’s not much substance, and a few jokes are telegraphed, but at least this engaging look at romance from eight to eighty is good natured and barely misses a step.  Its 125 minutes feel as if they go by in half an hour.

Pic opens innocently enough.  All action takes place on Valentine’s Day in Los Angeles.  There are several couples and even more would-be and ex-couples.    

Jason (Topher Grace) is involved with Morley Clarkson (Jessica Alba).  As soon as he gets serious, she bolts.  Kara Monahan (Jessica Biel) is the stressed out publicist for Sean Jackson (Eric Dane), an NFL star about to come out of the closet.  Kelvin Moore (Jamie Foxx) is the second string sportcaster at a local TV station in need of a scoop.  Paula Thomas (Queen Latifa) is Jackson’s domineering manager. Liz (Anne Hathaway) is her temporary assistant who moonlights as a phone sex operator.  

Then there’s Ashton Kutcher exuding considerable charm as Reed Bennett, a third generation, Italian-American florist whose busiest day of the year is … you guessed it. His number two is happily married Alphonso (George Lopez).  His best friend is schoolteacher Julia Fitzpatrick (Jennifer Garner) who believes she is in love with Dr. Harrison Copeland (Patrick Dempsey) until the latter orders flowers for his wife and his girlfriend at Reed’s shop. In her class is Edison (Bryce Robinson) younger brother of Grace (Emma Roberts).  They live with their grandparents, Estelle (Shirley MacLaine) and Edgar (Hector Elizondo) a prosperous couple married 51 years.  There is a cute twist in a pivotal scene between Jason, Edgar, and Estelle wherein, at an outdoor film screening, it is revealed that Estelle had a career as a Hollywood actress.  It’s a tad too cute for words, but at this point in MacLaine’s career, a little homagecan be forgiven if not welcomed.

If you have not already noticed, “Valentine’s Day” has a cast of thousands.  But this is a picture about revelations, not a “Who’s Who” ofHollywood.  Revelations such as will Holden (Bradley Cooper), the nice guy in the suit seated next to US Army Capt. Kate Hazeltine (Julia Roberts) hook up with her?  Such as why are Edison and Grace being raised by their grandparents?  Such as will an attractive publicist find love with an up-and-coming TV reporter?  Will Grace and boyfriend Alex (Carter Jenkins) shed their virginity together? And why are we thrown the curve ball that Edison has a crush on his teacher, Ms. Fitzpatrick?  At this point, if you are thinking that Marshall and the writers borrowed a tad from Shakespeare’s “Much Ado about Nothing,” you would be wrong.  They stole more than a tad.  But the theft comes under the rubric, “Only steal from the best.

If the plot sounds complicated, it is. But credit has to go to editor Bruce Green for keeping it all straight.  It is possible to follow nearly a dozen intertwined plotlines without a scorecard.  That’s difficult to believe in that “Valentine’s Day” has a writing team of three:  Katherine Fugate, Abby Kohn, and Mark Silverstein (although Fugate gets sole screenplay credit).  Too many cooks…. Tech credits, including lensing and sound recording, are up to par.  Set design excels.  One could do a lot worse than sit for two-and-one half hours (trailers and commercials included) watching this sophisticated fluff unspool.  After all, it answers the compelling question, “Can Taylor Swift really act?”  (Yes.)  And one can take the kids without fear.

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